I quit my fast.
I made it 11 days, though. And truth be told that is an extended fast for me. 😁
I quit because I'm an emotional eater. I know this about myself and have for a long time. And I was being tossed to and fro three days in a row at the beginning of this week, and I needed something fatty and greasy to get my mind together.
But, God turned everything around for my great. I had a moment early Tuesday morning, challenged God and asked Him how I was any different than an unbeliever with all that was going on in my life. I didn't throw a tantrum. He's been breaking me of tantrum throwing all year. I first realized Him trying to correct me in March but it didn't take.
He tried again in August and it took. He sent test after test - matter of fact the stuffs that went on at the beginning of this week made eight straight weeks of being in this current kickball tournament. That's why I finally cried and asked The Lord to step right away.
I suspect there may be a connection between temper tantrums and the spirits of death or suicide. A connection in my life anyway; this may not be transferable. In the past, when I've been hit with lots of things all at once, those spirits whisper that I should quit, hide and die. This didn't happen this week. They did tell me to quit and hide, but there were no whispers of death. That's interesting. And also very cool.
So, I fussed at God, then took a nap. Got up and rested the remainder of Tuesday. Still kinda fussing here and there ... you know how I do it. Then beginning Wednesday morning The Lord had already begun releasing rewards to me. By last night, He'd spoiled me so good I couldn't sleep from joy bubbling over.
Now ... I don't know if I have any wisdom for you here so I ask for grace. Why am even telling you, then? Well, because this is the relationship I have with God, and I'm sharing our journey. He and I are real with each other. I know there are people out there who try and pretend they don't get angry at or judge God. I do all of the above. You better believe I still had fear in me at times when I was fussing because He does have the right to spank the mess outta me as His talking-back child any time He wants. But I am completely honest with Him.
And I'm so trained to pray and talk to Him that even when I do try and walk away I end up going right back because He's all I have. I have no alternative. I don't have anyone else here with me. Yes, I do have friends and relatives, but they're not here in this location with me. And even if they were, they don't have my struggles. They have their own things going on, too, and can't be dealing with all my nonsense every day.
If nothing else, I am definitely entertainment for The Lord and The Cloud of Witnesses. I guarantee it.
Ok, so, one last thing ... my biggest reward for discontinuing temper tantrums is that God gave me my sweetheart back. 😍 After 17 months and five days, y'all. With no communication at all. God was like: NOPE! You can't treat My man right, you can't have him. That's how long it took me to grow up. I ran a Words man off with my out of controlness and he came back to ME with an apology. Only God. And you'd better believe I'm on my best behavior now. I've already been to the ball, had to leave and left him my slipper so we're at the end of the movie now. Which is actually a new beginning. Yes and amen.
Here are some posts that will help you with the timeline. There are others between these two pages, but I can't find them right now. Sorry.:
Gotta love God's calendar and a new year. It's always good. Always good.
Zari Banks, M.Ed
Zari is an author, teacher, mentor, speaker and entrepreneur.